Understanding infidelity: rebuilding trust after betrayal
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a relationship can face. Whether emotional or physical, betrayal can shatter trust, create intense emotional pain, and leave both partners questioning their future. But with commitment and the right support, healing is possible.
What Counts as Infidelity?
Infidelity can take many forms:
Physical affairs
Emotional affairs
Online or digital cheating
Financial secrecy
The common thread is secrecy and a breach of agreed-upon relationship boundaries. What constitutes betrayal can differ between couples, which is why ongoing conversations about boundaries and trust are crucial.
The Impact of Infidelity
Intense emotional pain: grief, rage, confusion
Loss of trust and safety
Shame or self-blame
Anxiety and hypervigilance
What Healing Requires
Acknowledgment and Accountability: The betraying partner must take responsibility without defensiveness.
Understanding the Why: Not to justify, but to make sense of the underlying dynamics.
Rebuilding Trust Over Time: Transparency, consistency, and empathy are essential.
Forgiveness (When Ready): A process, not a one-time event.
Can the Relationship Survive?
Many couples do recover and even grow stronger after infidelity, but it requires deep, honest work—often with the support of a trained therapist, like myself.
References:
Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.
Glass, S. P. (2003). Not "Just Friends".
Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs.